Mind Over Feelings

We knew it was coming. Transition is hard for everyone and I think it's just in my DNA to mentally make things a little harder than they need to be. I do it with every single stage of life. Bless all of you easygoing people. I am jealous.

Adoption has many difficult and challenging times but to me this is one of the most challenging. This stage of mind over matter, before the deep feelings have taken hold. I tell myself in a loop of controlled thoughts that it's not about me, it's about the boys. And it will get easier- a little every day. That it's temporary and so very normal.

Last week I think the day at the doctor was Samuel's last straw to be over the "honeymoon" period and realize all this newness is forever and he is not in control.

Isaac is  feeling the permanence of having a little brother up in his space, sharing his toys, his parents, his room. Somebody broke the door off of his Ferrari car and that was his tipping point.

I am learning that two children means not only two separate people to care for but includes the job of referee. (Please feel free to laugh, all of you with multiple children. I know.)  Love feels like a competition to them right now.

So I am exhausted in every way- trying to keep everything together and moving forward- doctors, schools, activities, home, meals, etc. And emotionally trying to be the patient and kind rock they can rage against as they navigate their own emotions. Making sure I am firm and consistent so they feel secure. (I don't know why it is that I'd jump in front of a train for them if they needed it, but being patient and kind all day seems like too much.)

Really and truly though, we are doing well. This is all normal. The boys are happy and sweet kids and they know I would move mountains for them.

Bless their cuteness. It keeps all of us going some days.

Isaac was all about holding chickens and petting donkeys when the petting zoo came to New Town. We live in the best place! Samuel insisted on being held the whole time and just kept saying, "Nope. Nope. Nope." Even with the turtles. Lol.

One must never be without one's accessories. Even in pajamas.