An Issue of Control

It was pretty clear a couple of weeks ago that we would not make the November 15th trip. The December 6th trip, however, was in play. So we planned on leaving December 5th. We knew we would have our Travel Approval in time for that, so that is what we planned around. That was the new date set in my heart. I imagined the week after we got home- a few days to relax, a quiet Christmas at home. Mick could be home with us a little more because of the holidays.

God continues to pry my fingers off of my control- currently seen in the issue of travel  timing. Thursday this last week we received our Travel Approval from China. YAY! This was the last piece we need to get our two appointments- one with the province where we adopt Isaac and one with the US consulate to get his visa. Then on Friday Holt called to let me know that, unusually, the US Consulate was all booked and we need to push back our trip by a week. And it will be more expensive. Well. I have to admit I had a little tantrum for God. I had it all worked out, again. Why does he keep messing with MY PLANS?

It seems as if I have been building sandcastles just beyond where I think the waves should hit and then a rogue wave slams beyond the boundaries to demolish my little kingdom. And I rebuild. And God pulls it down. So I rebuild. When will I finally put an end to my self-imposed craziness and let him be in control? Or, actually, acknowledge that he already is in control? This travel dates issue is so silly. I am embarrassed to even admit the extent to which I try to control my little world. But God is faithful to continue to tear down my sandcastles so I can see that what he has for me is a home that no wave or wind can destroy. I can rest in him if only I would. His way is always better.

So we got to a good place, God and I. There is beauty in this new plan: We will miss his birthday, but he becomes our son on MY birthday. We will miss being home for Christmas, but Isaac officially gets a new home on Christmas Eve. And we will be together. How beautiful.

Isaac will wait a few more weeks for his family. In God's sovereign will, that is part of his own story. We are now set to leave on December 10 and return on December 27. But that could change. J

I am praying desperately that God would make me the mother Isaac needs. Regardless of when it happens, this is the issue that keeps me awake at night. This is what drives me to my knees. I am fully and painfully aware of how unqualified I am for this important job. But I am so ready to start. Five weeks!