School started!

If I had been allowed to write the story of how it would play out- Sam's attachment and starting school- I probably would have written a less "perfect" one than what we have experienced. This precious little boy has been through a major life change- I think the most major kind of life change there could be. He has to learn how to be in a family and is expected to love them and go along with all the new rules and routines and schedules. When I put myself in his place to try to feel what he may be feeling- for me it is just too much. How much more for a tiny boy?

Well, I dream too small. He has amazed us and surpassed all our expectations. A few weeks ago he was fully in the push/pull of learning and attachment. (I love you, I don't love you. You don't love me. I will prove you don't love me. I need you and all of your attention. I'm angry but don't help me. Help me. I don't love you. I love you.) It's tough for everyone, but it's a necessary stage and the way to move beyond the novelty of a new family or family member and into real life. We get the chance to prove we are in this with him forever and he is safe.

 Every adoption and every child is very different and I am learning now firsthand how true that is. Samuel has already mostly moved through that time. We still have our moments, but mostly he has thrown himself into loving us and accepting our love. He was so ready to be loved and to lavish his love on his very own family.

Last week he went to preschool part time to start getting used to it. He was so happy to go, happy to be there, and happy to let me leave him with a promise of returning later. No tears, just a big hug, an exchanged "I love you" and a happy wave. How far he has come! He cried hard the first few weeks when anyone left but has already moved to the security of knowing we come back. Picking him up that first day was fun. He jumped up, smiling, and ran to me yelling, "Mama!" -happy to go home. The teacher said he started asking for me late in the day, as most kids do. I am still watching him closely to make sure this is for real. He is amazing.

First day excitement!

So proud to be like big brother. 

His language is also moving very quickly. Every day he says new words and he already understands almost everything. I can give him verbal directions and he will follow them. My favorite new phrase is "Mama, I luuuf it!" He says that about everything he likes- dinner, school, toys, people. 

Yesterday I pulled up to the school a bit early to pick him up. Before I got out of the car I saw his class come out for the last recess of the day. There in front, excitedly leading the charge onto the playground, was little Sam. My heart swelled and broke in the same moment. Some times are like that, where out of nowhere the fullness of reality and the emotions will hit. In that moment the depth of the tragedy hit me again. That this sweet, fun. loving boy is here, on this playground, instead of on the other side of the world. Having never met his birth family he was put in a group home. Then strangers came and took him away from the only life he knew. He's learning a new language, a new culture. None of this has been his choice. Yes, he has been given a family that adores him and he has everything a little boy needs and even wants. That's the part we see. But first he lost everything. And just look at his joy, his exuberance and zest for life. Isaac's too. I learn a lot from them.

 

Today's accessories included a whistle. I let the school be the bad guy. ;-) 

Just brothers goofing at breakfast.

Isaac has dance class tonight. You should see him dance! Samuel watches through the windows with me and happily tries to learn all the moves. (His dancing skills are more like mine- we're good at other things.)

Sunday night my house almost came down around my ears and I didn't mind. The boys were battling each other, fully engaged in play, having a marvelous time- as friends and equals. I want to weep on the floor with gratitude. Day by day we are overcome with blessings as we navigate our new roles in our life together. I have a front row seat to the two most amazing little boys.

Just as each of them fills my arms in a different way, they fill my heart, too.